


When The Heart Dies

by lostinthesounds



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellarke, F/M, Fluff, Happy and Hopeful Ending, Love Confessions, Sadness, bellamy dies in the finale, but there's multiple universes in the anomaly, please don't yell at me, season 7 speculation, so just roll with me here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:01:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23123662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinthesounds/pseuds/lostinthesounds
Summary: “Thank you for keeping me alive, Clarke.” He whispered, and the will to fight his illness is slowly beginning to fade. He thinks of everything they’ve been through, of everything he’s done to keep her alive, and her love has always been enough to keep him above water. It was her all along.“Goodnight,” Bellamy’s voice wavered and his eyes were blurry with tears that fell when he blinked. [Or, Bellamy dies in one of the anomaly universes in Clarke's arms, and she'll do anything to get him back. Even if it means living in the modern world]
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 103





	When The Heart Dies

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea in my mind for the past few weeks due to speculation on twitter, and maybe I just love the idea of playing around with a little soulmate-ism for bellarke. Please enjoy! (Wheeewww, my first season seven spec fic!)

_"I'd start a riot if night falls in your heart_

_I'd light the fire_

_In the dark when you sound the alarm_

_We'll find eachother's arms"_

**Start A Riot - BANNERS**

Clarke should’ve acted on her instinct to follow the crowd when she first heard the yelling, but she was stuck in place - shoes sinking in the mud beneath her feet as the rain came to a stop a few minutes prior - staring at the scene in front of her. The green light from the anomaly fog had just cleared her vision, as she swallowed the overwhelming feeling of sickness and she was clueless as to the reason why she was brought back to Earth. 

**  
  
**

Although she had only spent two days near the ocean on Earth, she recognized the terrain as Floukru. Clarke inched down the hill carefully, trying to think about something other than the memory of the conclave or the expedition for the bunker that gave her so many sleepless nights before Praimfaya - having shoved those events and trauma deep into her brain because it hurt so much, the reality of being alone - and she hid behind a large shipping container as the horn blows in the distance. 

**  
  
**

She was confused, because she didn’t hear the sound of battle cries or weapons clashing together when her first thought was the camp preparing for war. Then, Clarke hears the high pitched voice of a woman in the distance followed by the sound of footsteps rushing towards her direction. 

Clarke peeks her head out, afraid that some might’ve seen her enter through the anomaly by accident because she had no explanation as to why she was here. She was instructed by Octavia to wish for something she’s always wanted before she let the light absorb her, and her motives were clear. 

**  
  
**

She wanted to save Bellamy. He had been gone from Sanctum for eight days now, and she couldn’t bear the thought of something happening to him. (Madi had to sleep in her bed for the first time in three years on the first night, when Gabriel came knocking on her door saying that Octavia had returned with him and her brother was nowhere in sight. She couldn’t stop thinking about him.) 

**  
  
**

And somehow her wish led her here. 

**  
  
  
**

Her stomach was tying in knots, and Clarke didn’t understand that either. She had only been here for five minutes, and her blonde hair had already begun sticking to the back of her neck with sweat. The sun was shining so bright, and it made her wonder if Praimfaya existed in this world - if people were ripped away from their families or saw the world ending - because she could feel a sense of hope rise in her chest. Almost as if Bellamy was here and she could feel…. 

**  
  
  
**

Her ears perk up, and she freezes when two women worriedly pace back and forth on the other side of the tent. One of them spoke in a hushed tone, full of concern as they conversed in English - it surprised her the most, because she didn’t expect their accents to be so clear. 

**  
  
**

Clarke listened, pressing the side of her face against the rough material of the tent. She might be able to help whoever was in trouble, or find help to travel across the land to get to Bellamy if she could figure out what had the camp in such a frenzy. 

**  
  
**

“I’m worried for him,” A voice said in a tight voice, almost as if she was trying not to get emotional. “He’s done so much for the children with the school, and I can’t bear to see him on his deathbed.” 

**  
  
**

“He may come back from this,” A single pause, and Clarke had to lean in closer to hear what was said next because the woman’s voice lowered. “If we pray hard enough, he can recover.” 

**  
  
**

“He’s been sick for years,” The other woman said, in distraught. “I just wish he wasn’t alone, and it makes no sense to me because he could’ve had so many women at his feet and he declined every single one of them.” 

**  
  
**

“He said he was waiting for someone.” 

**  
  
**

“ _Belomi_ was always an odd man,” Clarke felt her heart break and fall to her feet, a croak of sudden anger escaping past her lips. She bit her knuckles to keep from sobbing, but she couldn’t move away from listening in on the conversation. “He’s spent decades waiting for someone that never came.” 

**  
  
**

Clarke shut her eyes painfully, wanting the burn to take over her entire body as she dropped to her knees. She pulled her hand away from her mouth, wiping away the blood and saliva that covered her fingers as she felt herself crumble into nothing. The tears streaming down her face wouldn’t stop, she couldn’t find the strength to lift her trembling hands so she lets them clench the dirt into fists and throw it back down to the floor. _Bellamy_ . They were talking about him, about her Bellamy, and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. _Bellamy_. Her lungs were restricting with every deep breath, every memory of their time together flashing in her brain until the mixture of gut-wrenching pain and word shared between them gave her a headache. She couldn’t see straight anymore, raindrops collecting on her eyelashes every time she blinked which led to her losing her balance and falling into a sitting position in the mud because she couldn’t see. 

**  
  
**

_Bellamy._

**  
  
**

Her throat had gone hoarse by the time the two women had realized who was behind their tent and they held her close as she sobbed loudly into their fur woven coats, and she wheezed painfully before saying one thing. “Take me to him,” She demanded, looking up and into their narrowed eyes. She didn’t care if they didn’t know who she was. “Take me to Bellamy one last time.”

* * *

The doctor wakes him up from his sleep, and his brows furrowed in pain as he stirred in the large cot with a single mattress and a blanket covering his form. The sight makes her heart ache, and she wished that she wasn’t so in shock over his age that she could get up and help him sit up in the bed. 

**  
  
**

After the two women calmed her down enough to rush her through the med bay with a crowd of people standing outside in sorrow, she was told that Bellamy had suffered an infection after his nightblood infusion and the medicine wasn’t helping his immune system fight it anymore. She had to sit down when the doctor explained that Bellamy had been living with the infection for over twenty years - meaning he was in his late forties and she had missed half of his life - because she couldn’t believe it. His black messy curls behind his ears had turned grey, along with the tips of his beard that grew out just a little longer than the last time she saw him. She swallowed the burning in her throat, when she realized that it’s been a week since she last saw Bellamy alive and it had been over _twenty_ for him. 

**  
  
**

Once Bellamy had opened his eyes, she glanced at the doctor with hopeful eyes wishing that he would say " _He’s going to be okay and we could fix him_ ”, so she could stop trying to convince herself that his pale skin was a result of keeping to himself and not going outside enough. Or try and tell herself that he was shivering because he was having heat flashes instead of freezing to de—she didn’t want to say it. 

**  
  
**

Not yet. 

**  
  
**

The doctor leaves the room, crushing Clarke’s spirit once again when he frowns with sympathy and closes the door behind him. 

**  
  
**

They were in a small room, so it wasn’t hard for Bellamy to scan the room and see her sitting in the corner with her knees tucked under her chin with a trembling lip. 

**  
  
**

“Who are…” The words trail off his tongue, his gaze switching from the door to the strange woman sitting in front of him when it suddenly all clicks. Bellamy’s eyes widen, crinkling at the edges to show his age, and he throws the blanket off of his legs to watch it fall to the floor. “Clarke? Please, tell me it’s you.” His bottom lip starts to tremble, and she thinks it was a terrible joke of the universe to put them in this situation because she keeps trying to picture the last twenty years of his life that she wasn’t a part of. “Please.” He pleads, and she swore that she’s never heard him this broken before. 

**  
  
**

“Bell?” She croaked, and in an instant, she leaped from her chair and straight into his arms and began to cry when she burried herself into his neck. She wouldn’t let go of him, even when she knew he was struggling to pull her up and into the bed with him. 

**  
  
**

“It’s okay, Clarke.” His voice cracked on her name, which made her cry harder. She’s felt so lost without him, like nothing else made sense in the world if she didn’t have him beside her. His arms wrapped as tight as they could around her waist, his hands gentle as they rested on her hips to bring her a little closer to the side of the bed. “I’m fine, see?” 

**  
  
**

His voice was deeper, raspy as he spoke into her ear. 

**  
  
**

“Lay down with me, will you?” He adds. 

**  
  
**

“You’re _not_ fine,” Clarke felt herself break in his arms, completely in surrender to his touch. “Bellamy, I—“ 

**  
  
**

_I can’t lose you too_. 

**  
  
**

She’s reminded of their conversation all those years ago, when her wounds of pain were open and she had just realized that she loved him for the first time. 

**  
  
**

Bellamy cradles her neck, his grasp was gentle and heartbreaking. She could feel the roughness of his skin against her own, and Clarke didn’t want to think about the things he’s done to survive all those years. 

**  
  
**

“What happened?” She sniffled, although her sobs were far from quieting down. “Why couldn’t you come back?” 

**  
  
**

Bellamy looks at her in awe, and takes a moment to analyze her face. He couldn’t believe she was in front of him. He’s waited so long. Much longer than six years, in anomaly time. 

**  
  
**

He scoots over on the bed, tugging Clarke by the arm so she could follow him and lay down next to him. She understands, and tucks herself into his side to listen to him. She knows this is the most intimate they’ve ever been together, if it was just simply holding the other, but she needed to be held by him right now. 

**  
  
**

His voice was shaky, “I still don’t know what went wrong. I tried to find the forest after I couldn’t find Octavia, but it just vanished. I tried for days to explore the land, to see if it moved somehow.” Bellamy paused, breath hitching in his throat when Clarke presses her mouth against his collarbone. Her blonde hair sprawled on his chest, as he stares down at the crown of her head. “But I couldn’t find it. The radio wouldn’t work, but I tried to fix it. It turns out that Raven is the better mechanic, and I could never compare.” 

**  
  
**

“We didn’t hear you,” Clarke wiped at her eyes, “I would’ve called you back.” 

**  
  
**

She couldn’t say anything more. Now, thinking back to when she was the one to radio call him for six years, she was glad that he didn’t hear her suffering. 

“We don’t have that kind of luck, do we?” He tried to tease, to lighten the mood. 

**  
  
**

Bellamy coughed suddenly, wincing as he settled back against the wall. 

**  
  
**

Clarke didn’t know what to do. She wanted to fix him, take away all of his pain. 

**  
  
**

“I’m just fine,” Bellamy closed his eyes, taking in the beauty of the moment. He was accepting his death, and she didn’t know how to reply. “I’m happy right now.” 

**  
  
**

How could he be happy? She was about to lose him forever. 

**  
  
**

Clarke asked in a low voice, “Why did you become a nightblood?” 

**  
  
  
**

Bellamy took a deep breath, his hand coming up to brush through his beard. 

**  
  
**

“When I realized I had been transported back to the past, to see Luna,” Bellamy began. “I realized that I couldn’t get myself out, so I decided to become one of them. I was alone and missing my family. I hoped that if I became a nightblood then—“ 

**  
  
**

Clarke understood, finishing his sentence for him. “You could find me before the death wave happened, and stay behind to keep me company.” The truth in words had enough power to break something deep inside her, and she wished she could allow either of them to be that selfish. It was always their people over their individual needs. She couldn’t just pick him. 

**  
  
**

Bellamy wiped away the fresh tears that escaped past her eyes, her chest constricting with forced intakes of breath. 

**  
  
**

“I missed you, Clarke.” Bellamy admitted, sadness laced in his voice that reminded her of when she left Mount Weather when he wanted her to stay. His jaw tightens, not wanting to show how her absence absolutely destroyed him. He takes her face in his hands, “ _So_ much. So much that I couldn’t think about what I’ve lost after a while. I had to make a new life for myself. I had a good life here.” 

**  
  
**

“Don’t do that,” Clarke shook her head and ripped herself away from his grip. She cried, “Don’t say goodbye to me like that.” She didn't want this to be the end, not when she still had most of her life to live. 

**  
  
**

“I have to, princess.” The nickname making the ends of his mouth turn upwards in a hint of a smile, because he’s waited so long to say that. He nodded his head, squeezing her hand when all she wanted to get as far away from him as possible. She couldn’t just say goodbye. 

**  
  
**

Clarke didn’t want to understand. 

**  
  
**

She didn’t want to believe him. 

**  
  
  
**

Clarke’s head tilted up to the ceiling, “Don’t make me say goodbye to another person I love, please don’t be this cruel.” speaking to whatever higher power has kept her alive all this time. She wanted to pray to someone, wanted someone to give her hope. She licked her lips that tasted of salty tears, and she wouldn’t stop shaking her head in disbelief. 

**  
  
**

It would break her. The thought of losing him. 

**  
  
**

“I’ve always loved you,” Bellamy’s voice was rough, and somehow, she always knew this. He reaches for her again, when her legs dangle from the side of the bed to get up and he tries to pull at her elbow. He was trying so hard not to cry, he just had to say this one time. To rid himself of the guilt, “it’s always been you.” 

**  
  
**

“I love you too,” Clarke croaked, letting his fingers wrap around her wrist to give her a sense of peace. She freezes, looking back at his pale skin and greasy curls that she used to love so much. It was the one thing she recognized him for, his hair. “I always have.” She manages to say, throat burning. 

**  
  
**

“I’ve waited so long for you to come find me,” Bellamy cleared his throat of mucus with a hard cough, dulled Brown eyes never losing contact with her ones filled with sorrow. He was so intense, every piece of him. “I just want to hold you, it’s all I want.” 

**  
  
**

“I can’t.” Clarke said, biting her lip. 

**  
  
**

She couldn’t do it. 

**  
  
**

“I don’t know how much longer I have and this is all I’ve ever wanted.” He explained, tears threatening to fall in his rare moment of vulnerability. He was just as scared as she was, “All I want is you. To share my last few days with the woman I love, and then I’ll say goodbye.” 

**  
  
**

“I never wanted to lose you,” Clarke clenched her fist in her shirt, nails digging into her palms as she thinks of the worst. Of the worst way her life could’ve ended up. She admits painfully, a invisible knife stabbing into her chest. “I don’t want to say goodbye.” 

**  
  
**

She knows it’s inevitable. That it will happen eventually, but she wants to believe something else for now. 

**  
  
**

She wants to believe that the anomaly has a different plan for them, that there’s a different Bellamy Blake living somewhere else waiting for her to come back to him. 

**  
  
**

She wants to believe that this isn’t the last time she’ll see him. The love of her life. 

**  
  
**

Clarke gives up in that moment. As she curls back into his side, their legs tangled together. She grabs the collar of his shirt to her nose to keep his scent close, and silently cries in his neck. 

**  
  
**

“From the moment I saw you,” He found himself whispering as the sun began to set hours later, his voice hoarse from endless coughing and fighting. His fight was over. His fight was finally over. He kissed the top of Clarke’s forehead, as she slowly began to daze off in his arms. “I knew I would end up loving you. I’m glad I trusted you, that I trusted myself to confide in you.” 

**  
  
**

“Don’t leave me yet,” Clarke’s lips brushed against his ear, swollen red eyes trying to find his gaze in the darkness of the room. “Don’t go.” She begs. 

**  
  
**

"I don't wanna go either, trust me."

She must think that he has control over his life. (He absolutely doesn’t, because if he had it his way, then he would’ve confessed his feelings long ago.) 

**  
  
**

He doesn’t know when he’ll leave this Anomaly, but he knows he would live his last few days on Earth. The place where he thought his home would be when he would stare past the stars on the Ark. He guesses it was always meant to be his home. To be his resting place. 

**  
  
**

“Thank you for keeping me alive, Clarke.” He whispered, and the will to fight his illness is slowly beginning to fade. He thinks of everything they’ve been through, of everything he’s done to keep her alive, and her love was always enough to keep him above water. It was her all along. 

**  
  
**

“Goodnight,” Bellamy’s voice wavered and his eyes were blurry with tears that fell when he blinked. Clarke held him tightly, “I’m always going to be with you, just remember that.” 

**  
  
**

“This can’t be the end for us.” She tells him. 

**  
  
**

He thought about that once. The possibility of living another life in the anomaly space, and as the head to his heart squeezes the last breath out of him, he wishes for those possibilities to come true. 

* * *

*** * ***

* * *

“So, how do you know my sister?” 

**  
  
**

Bellamy asks, one of the rings on his fingers tapping against the glass of his beer can. Clarke was warned by a younger Octavia that her brother was overprotective, but she already felt so comfortable around the younger version of him that she already knew in another world. Another time. 

**  
  
**

Clarke still hasn’t gotten used to the feeling of denim jeans, so when she twists in her plastic chair to turn to face him—she feels the button of her pants digging into her stomach. (Why are these things so tight on her?) 

**  
  
**

The music was blaring throughout Octavia’s house, a small place that she could afford with her fiancé Lincoln. She was more than happy to see her friend with the man she loved fiercely, who didn’t deserve to die so young in the world she left behind. 

**  
  
**

She had met the younger Blake at a bar called The Ark a few weeks ago, and she had to find an escape in the bathroom before she broke down in sobs. It was still a new feeling to see her old friends and not being able to remind them of their horrid past. She noticed the subtle cues of the places and people she knew from before in this Earth, and it tore her apart some days.

**  
  
**

Perhaps it was for the best. So they could live the life they always wanted to live, so she could see them happy. 

**  
  
**

So she could live the life she wanted with the one person she wanted to be with forever. 

**  
  
**

“I met her at a bar,” Clarke said simply, matching his intense gaze that was trying to analyze her every move or twitch. She continued, “She invited me for a drink with Raven, and I tagged along for the night.” 

**  
  
**

He was suspicious, and she wondered, hoped, that somehow he remembered her. Octavia helped braid her hair earlier before the party, and she was thankful in that moment that her hair had returned to its original length so she could twirl the ends around her finger. 

**  
  
**

It gave her a distraction from the nerves that erupted in her veins. She wanted to touch him, wanted to nuzzle her face in his neck and smell his cologne (apparently that’s perfume for guys, now?) and cradle his clean shaven face in her hands and kiss him senseless. 

**  
  
**

But, she couldn’t. 

**  
  
**

Because he didn’t know who she was yet. 

**  
  
**

She wanted to tell him how much she loved him. 

**  
  
**

Bellamy laughed at her answer, “I could expect that from my social butterfly of a sister.” Then, when he matches Clarke grin in return, he flinches in his seat like she had burned him and lifts his head up to meet her tilted head of confusion. What did he see? Feel? He’s looking at her differently now, like she’s not a stranger he just met at his sister’s party. 

**  
  
**

He doesn’t look away, “What’s your name?” 

**  
  
**

She swallowed thickly, forcing the word out before she couldn’t say anything at all. “I’m Clarke, new in town.” 

**  
  
**

Bellamy nods slowly, like he didn’t believe her. And he would be right if he didn’t. Because she was from a world where he died, and if she could live in the another time of the Anomaly to be with a version of the man who’s alive, then she would never leave. He looks down at his cup, then to his lap, then back to her eyes with a soft expression. “It’s the weirdest thing,” He scoffed, tapping against his cup again. “I feel like I’ve seen you before, like I should know you.” 

**  
  
**

“I told you that I’m new,” It was a lie, she’s known him better than anyone ever has. “I’ve never seen you before.” Clarke assured. “What’s your name?” She asked, even if she’s dreamt about him for weeks now. Ever since he died in her arms, since she wasn’t able to kiss him goodbye. 

**  
  
**

Bellamy inched closer, like her voice was enticing him to do so. 

**  
  
**

“Bellamy,” He introduces himself, then stands and extends his hand out for her to grab with brows furrowed together. He wants to ask her so many things, but instead, he settles for something that makes her heart flutter. “Do you mind if I ask you for a walk?” 

  
  


Clarke shakes her head to accept his offer, taking his hand and letting their fingers lace together slowly. She wanted to cherish this feeling. The feeling of getting her happy ending, of being able to finally get to do more with her life than just surviving.


End file.
